How I got my life back....

When I began working in the industry I was 18 years old, in the age of dinosaurs, and I committed to working hard, working long hours, and never turning down an opportunity to learn. I was successful in my pursuits as the hospitality work is never ending.

I was lucky that one day one of my professors at Roosevelt University took me by the hand to the Palmer House Hotel where he was the Food and Beverage Director. He set a meeting for me to get introduced to how that organization operated and I was quickly hired by the Exec. Chef. I was placed in the party department and began to expand my craft. I failed to realize the good fortune in its fullness, at the time, as that department allowed all the team members to work a steady shift 90% of the time. We were on the 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. shift. Employees could use the hotel gym that included a sauna. There was an employee cafeteria where we could eat for free.

With the goal in mind, to never turn down an opportunity to learn, I soon found myself also working as cocktail waitress, a couple nights a week, in the hotel bar. This gave me some very nice additional income and taught me more about good customer service. When I would work a shift in the bar, I would get off work at 4:30, grab some food, maybe even hit the gym, and then change from one uniform to another, starting a shift starting about 7 p.m., and work until the bar was dead quite or ready to close at 3 a.m. Afterwards, I would take a cab home, nap, and come back to work at 8 a.m.

This hamster wheel kept on turning for about a year and a half. I enjoyed it. I like talking with customers, I especially liked the extra cash, and I was single and living alone with my cat, so I didn't need a good work/life balance. I needed the money and I was, and probably still is, a adrenaline junkie. I was young and able bodied so the industry opened up for me and gave me as much as I thought I could handle.

With age comes wisdom, and aches and pains. I got married at 27 years old and was immediately pregnant with my eldest daughter. At that time, I was working in the social service arena, and that job was rewarding and wonderful, as I could adjust my schedule for the needs of the pregnancy. I had PTO hours and a standard 40 week, so I often worked 10 hour days so that I could have a 3 day weekend often, giving me some needed downtime. The pregnancy changed a lot of my career habits. Being a parent made me make different choices about how, when, and where I worked. I love being a chef but the 80 hour work weeks were too difficult to maintain while parenting small children. I wanted to parent them myself, we didn't have the aid of extended family members, as some do, for childcare. I was the mommy and the wife. I wanted to be these things so I had to make changes in the way I worked to do it.

I think it is sad that I had to find alternative places to work ,and use my skills, so that I could take care of my life and those people in it. So I worked for a homeless shelter, then a church organization, then as a grocery store bakery department manager, a teaching and demonstration chef, a pastry cook at a university, and lake dinner cruise company, all so I could have an adequate family life, and even so I was sacrificing more than mothers that had a standard work week. My career as a chef was diminished, slowed down, and almost derailed. I lost my connections, I had to use differing skills because working in a production kitchen requires too much time and physical endurance. If I hadn't make the choices that I did, I would have kids that I hardly ever spent time with when they needed me the most.

Some male chefs do not put their careers on the back burner like I did, and some would say it is easier for the guys to do this than us ladies. I have never been a guy but it does seem likely. Chefs do often get divorced and are all work and all play. The habit of chefs to unwind after a huge long day is to go to a bar and unwind. There is usually a spot where the whole crew goes and shut down the bar. Heavy drinking, smoking, and some drug abuse are all present in this lifestyle. In order to handle the stress and chaos, in order to keep going for 18 hours or more, in order to get up and do it all again the next day, in order to handle the chauvinism, the racism, the misogyny, the demanding customers, and all the big egos, many of us turn to chemical assistance to get them through it all. Some who do this can find it ruling them instead of them controlling their life.  

I love my career, I love what I do, I love serving my customers, and I love teaching these skills to others. Now that I am a lot older, as my eldest is now in college, and my health is a super bumpy road, I once again found a need to move away from the love of my life, a professional commercial kitchen. When I began I wanted a great big career, and company ownership, but also wanting a family meant something had to be sacrificed because the industry didn't have the ability for me to do both.

The chef life is as complex as some of the finest meals and most people have never seen what is happening on the other side of the kitchen doors. I have had relatives shame me that I couldn't attend this or that event because I was working. I have been accused of lying about my need for their help because there is no way that I needed to work a 18 hour shift. I have had the argument with an upset child about the recital I missed because I didn't get off work until 8 p.m. I now teach kids after school and therefore I don't finish up until 7 p.m.

Think about this: whenever you want to party, whenever you want to eat, whenever you need to celebrate, that's when chefs need to work. We work weekends, holidays, late days and early mornings. We are not the bank teller type of folks and working an 8 hour shift leaves us feeling like we are forgetting to do something more. Work/life balance in our world is a quick way to stunt your career unless you do something other than production work.

I am not the only writer talking about this subject, check out this article: http://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/food-dining/2016/02/29/why-working-restaurant-industry-can-hard-your-mental-health/NaqWdSHvKJtZQCoberbLjP/story.html